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| Coping with Empty Nest Syndrome |
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| As one walks through the stores they are met with isles of school supplies waiting to be bought by parents with school age children. This is a sure sign that school is starting and it is about time to get back into the routine of school schedules and children’s activities. For some parents they are sending their last child off to college. This can be a very happy, sad time for the parent – especially if it is the last child to leave home. As a parent prepares to send their child off into a world of adulthood, responsibility and independence it is not uncommon to experience a sense of loneliness, loss of purpose, and moments of tearfulness. Just yesterday, it seems, you was changing their diaper and kissing their banged up knees to quiet the tears. You were their protector and today you can only pray for their safety as they leave home and begin to make their own decisions. |
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| If you are experiencing these feelings of sadness, loss of purpose, tearfulness, or find yourself sitting in your child’s empty room you may be experiencing the Empty Nest Syndrome. Typically this is experienced by parents when the last child leaves home but can begin as early as the high school years. These are normal reactions to a normal situation. |
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| If, on the other hand, you find yourself crying constantly, no longer going out with friends, unable to function at work or have a sense that your life has ended then you need to seek professional help. |
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| In this kind of situation, what seems to happen is that the child's departure unleashes seriously depressed feelings - and these very definitely need treating. So if you know that your sadness is overwhelming you, do go and discuss your feelings with your GP as soon as possible. You may need antidepressants and you almost certainly could use some counseling to get your feelings into perspective. |
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| The transition time from full time parent role to independent adult can take a few months to 2 years. What can you do to help yourself through this difficult period of time? |
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Here are some tips that might help you become that independent adult:
- Keep a normal routine- eat right, exercise, Keep a normal sleep pattern.
- Keep lines of communication open with your child but don’t smother them- keep in touch 1-2 times a week by phone or e-mail. Remember they are learning their independence.
- Find ways to begin nurturing a new relationship with your now adult child- ask them how they see this relationship with each other changing over time. Ask them their input on future plans.
- Acknowledge your grief and allow your feelings of being upset- talk with someone- your spouse or a trusted friend.
- Give yourself time to adjust to the changes in your life- give yourself a break especially in the first few weeks or months.
- Journal – this can be a safe and constructive way to put down your thoughts and feelings without being judged or criticized. Remember to pull out positive aspects while journaling to keep a good perspective.
- Be kind to yourself- your teen may be gone but you gained a bathroom…. Enjoy it!
- Turn to your friends- go out and have a nice dinner… you don’t have to be home at a certain time.
- Start a support network with other parents that may be experiencing the same thing.
- Find ways to fill the void- pursue those hobbies that you now have time for, do volunteer work, or adopt a pet.
- If you are married become re- acquainted with your spouse- start date night, discuss your dreams and thoughts for the future and begin to live them.
- Don’t make any big decisions until you have adapted to your new situation- like sell the home for something smaller.
- Love your child enough to allow them to make their own mistakes- be supportive and encourage them to stick with it despite your feeling of wanting to bring them home or to sort it out for them. Remember you’ve raised them to be smart resourceful kids, now let them be smart resourceful adults.
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| Life is a journey and empty nest syndrome is a small adjustment in this journey. Your life is yours again. Go out and enjoy! Life is not ending with an empty nest it is another beginning!
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